Fault

Yes, it happened to me. 

I don’t say it often, 

For it was my fault, 

I know that, as sure as day. 

I should have known better 

Than to trust a stranger, lurking in the 90s, Messenger maze. 

Yet, I did. 

On that fateful day,

I told no one 

Where I went. 

“Just to the movies,” I said, 

“With friends.” My voice echoed, hollow, 

As the door closed, 

Behind me, 

The room’s shadow 

Swallowed silence whole. 

Off to the movies, I went. 

But he was there.

I cringed at the thought of his hands upon my shoulders. 

Still, It was the movie I wanted to see the most. 

Titanic was showing, 

After all. 

Yes, the fault is mine, 

And mine alone. 

I didn’t run— I followed. I followed him,

All the way home. 

To this day, I wonder why. 

No reason makes sense. 

I followed him, 

Dreaming of escape, 

Back to my own safety.

I should have run. 

But I didn’t. 

Instead, I boarded the train with him, 

Rode past where 

I needed to be. 

I stayed still,

Silent as night. 

Yes, The fault is mine to bear. 

In that apartment, 

In the sky, 

By the grand piano— Seduction was the game. 

He gave me a drink I shouldn’t have had. 

But I drank it anyway. 

I knew the toxins, 

Felt disgust brew 

Burning deep inside my throat. 

Still, I drank. 

The fault is mine. 

I drank the poison, 

And I alone. 

Yet, in this flaw, 

My fault, 

My demise,

I wonder… What of him? 

Where was his shame, 

His guilt? 

Who was he, 

To hurt me so? 

To lace my drink, 

Steal my voice, 

Throw me on the mattress, 

Bare, clothe torn off. 

To use me, 

Abuse me, 

Invite his friend,

Upon the matted floor

To pry my mouth open, 

To tear me apart.

He knew all along I was a child— A mere 12, Naïve, Scared, Alone, 

Abandoned By a life that 

Had given way. 

Yes, I should have known better 

Than to trust a stranger Lurking in the 90s’ haze. 

But what of him? Where is his guilt, 

His shame? 

His punishment? 

His own demise? 

For my demise

Is mine to bear. 

For years to come, 

Always there.  

Diana Kouprina © 2024

all rights reserved

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